Picture: Songs and a Poetry at Christmas

Some songs for that festive season

The twelve times of Christmas

(... or "Don't keep attaining me photographic stuff")

On the 12th chronilogical age of Christmas, my true love allocated me...

Twelve filters filtering

Eleven tripods holding

Ten sensations flashing

Nine models posing

Eight holders a-gripping

Seven hoods a-shielding

Six weddings booking

Five D-SLRs

Four camera bags

Three picture mags

Two shutter lags

And a hit in every photo comp

Jingle Bells

(... or "I don't want to be doing this")

Dashing with the snow

Along a muddy track

O'er provides a fields I go

Camera as my back

Rain and arctic and ice

Will never stop desire

My friends - here are very nice

- Are sitting at fire

Oh, snap, snap, sneeze

Snap, take, sneeze

Coughing all the way

Oh what fun we could have

If I was snug like they

Twas the night time before Christmas

(... or "If anything might be wrong, it will")

Twas the night before Christmas

And across the place

A photographer wandered

To catch Santa's face

He'd put together his tripod

And cocked right up his shutter

When he heard in the chimney

A cough and a more traditional splutter

He steadied his camera

And recharging his gun

For the very best of all candids

In life he done

With a soot cloud of blackness

Down Santa he came

The photographer pounced

A striking image his game

But the most basic lens he discovered,

As mary saw Santa's foot,

Had poor optic properties

- there are covered in soot

.